pretty flowers are pretty. that's it, that's the post title.

I'm restless. I have been for months now.

Seems to me that I'm either trailing on the edge of life, daring myself to jump, or else I'm so intensely energetic that I'm dizzy with it. Can I not just chill the fuck out for a minute? I suppose this restlessness is better than the alternative, though. Last August I was in a very dark place and although it doesn't feel like it right now, I have come a bloody long way. I'm so far from being content with life (although I'm not convinced anyone ever is) but I just want to take this opportunity to appreciate the past six months, everything they've done for me, and everything I've done for myself.

Reading Jess Loves Fred's latest post really hit home. I'm not loving blogging right now either. Maybe it's that I have become so focused on delivering inspiring content that I manage to (a) not inspire anyone and (b) lock up my feelings to be let out via a drunken sob story.

I miss the part of me with the guts to post this.

Don't think I'm all sadface right now, though. (Although it does seem that I write a lot more when I am...) I had a lovely weekend off work, buying shoes and reading excessive amounts of One Direction fanfic which I am not at all ashamed of. (Sabine, I love you, but shut up.) This afternoon involved spray paint - a lot of it, reorganising my bookshelf and cuddles with my cat.

As I sit here and type this, sipping my lukewarm Chai tea, thinking about how I really shouldn't put milk in it next time, I think I know what I need to do. Basically: stop being such a perfectionist all the freakin' time. Easier said that done, though. I'd know. Anyway, so I'm going to embark on a self-actualisation mission thingo. Whatever the fuck that means. Basically I'm going to be nice to myself and my stomach and forget about the world watching while I be myself. And then I'm going to let you know how it goes.

photo: pretty flowers are pretty. that's it, that's the explanation.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, these flowers look more than pretty :)

    Did you know that the word "chai" means "tea" in Russian? ;) That's funny.