london calling

photo by @Doug88888

Have you ever felt like you're in the wrong place?

Up until I was about fifteen, I hated living in Sydney. It was all I knew, and I was desperate to see the world. I hated the familiar sights and seeing people I knew everywhere. I was just so damn bored with the place. But I hadn't really seen the whole city. Silly little fifteen year old me thought she knew things. She didn't. I still don't.

I grew up a little and decided that home was home. It was always my plan to stay in Sydney. Travel the world first, of course, but then settle down in a nice little Balmain terrace with a family and a golden retriever. That was the plan.

I turn twenty next week. That's insane. I'm still a kid, you know? I'm a little baby, and I can't be twenty. I'm turning twenty, and I don't have a plan anymore. Panicking about this seems like a premature midlife crisis, I know, but I can't help it. Friends have told me its a common thing to freak out about, though. I'm turning twenty and I thought maybe I'd have some of my life sorted out by now, but nope, I do not. Not at all.

I'm not sure what I want to do when I grow up. Shit, I'm still not even sure what to major in! It's a constant stress, but I wish I could just let things happen and not worry. I just don't want to be thirty and still nowhere, you know? I want to make something of myself. I want to move out, live alone, travel the world, meet new people and find myself along the way. And it feels like here, in my tiny little blue and white bedroom inside my mother's house, I can't. I want to get out.

London seems like the place to go.

Last time I was there, I was three years old. I remember cucumber sandwiches on a bench in the city, and hiding in my aunt's soapy-smelling linen closet. I remember staying on a farm somewhere with nice spaghetti and a dog that ate my gumboots. My eight-year-old brother was allowed to ride a farm tractor, and seventeen years later, I'm still resenting that. I don't remember much, true, but in the pieces my mind has glued together, true or not, it was the best fucking holiday ever. And I'm desperate to go back.

My family isn't from London, as far as I know. My dad grew up near Brighton, I think, and my aunt still lives somewhere down there. On my mother's side, my grandfather lived in Dublin. I have this recent curiosity about my background, nagging me to go and see the places for myself.

London is cold. As much as I complain about winter, I want cold. I want snow and a white Christmas and wearing hoodies underneath jackets underneath coats. I want central heading, and big fat fluffy doonas, and sometimes, I even want days and days of dirty rain.

And if I'm going to hate it, well, I want to find that out for myself, too.

I don't know. Maybe it's just wanderlust. I need a taste of something new.

[ happy!dinah + housekeeping + asos haul ]

Hey guys! Quick post because it's been ages and I missssss youuuuuuu. ♥

First up, notice the URL! I am now *happy dance*

I have been really happy lately. Once upon a time, this feeling was so foreign to me. I'm very glad that it's no longer unusual to not feel miserable all the time. I was on the bus to work this afternoon (although it felt like a morning, I'll tell you!), hiding away from the glaring sun, bobbing along to this song and I just thought to myself, wow, you happy unicorn, you. It was kind of perfect.

On a similar note, I'm really loving buses right now. As I can't yet afford myself a car, I'm sticking with public transport, but I have seriously fallen out of love with trains. Losing my laptop on one was probably the last straw. Even though you changed your name, Sydney Trains, you'll always be Cityrail Shitty Fail to me. :)

Another thing I'm loving? My job. Because money, obviously, but also it's kind of the best job I have ever had. Going to work is actually enjoyable. Who would have thought? And I have responsibilities and such and I can make decisions etc, doing much more than putting a dozen sausages in a bag, you know? I find it really rewarding to be trusted with more meaningful tasks. But yes, somebody needs to work at the butcher, putting sausages in bags. I'm just glad it's no longer me. But hey, maybe that kind of thing works for some people. I'm rambling.

The purpose of my last post ("I'm Still Alive") was to explain my absence, which I totally forgot to do once I got into the angst surrounding my late laptop (may he rest in peace, or at least explode in the face of whoever has him now). I keep remembering things that I'm never going to get back, and each hurts a little bit more. I'm currently mourning the hundreds of internet fanfic bookmarks I had, which I really should have bookmarked or favourited in a more secure way. I have now learned. Anyway, I also lost a folder I had titled "dinah blogs" which was basically full of ideas for blog posts and half-written posts, and all sorts of other sad things. They're gone. I'm sad. Sadface. Hold my hand, please. So that's why I'm having a bit of trouble getting back on my blogging feet. (But also One Direction. Blame One Direction.)

Last week I finally got myself a tattoo. It is my favourite thing ever and deserves its own post entirely, but that's for another day. Just letting you know because it's in the photos.

asos haul: glitter vans, asos culottes & grey beanie

I am so in love with these shorts, ohmigod. They're made of a soft and slightly stretchy material and are so comfy that they're better than pyjama pants. That comfy. Also they do wonders for my legs (goodbye, thighs, you don't exist!) and hide the extra pudding, hahahahaha. Not that I have had pudding today. Dammit, now I want some pudding. Anybody have any?

Yes, my bedroom is very messy. Yes, that is a One Direction poster. Yes, I folded the poster so that it looks like Harry and Louis are beside each other. Sue me. Also I'm finding that the peace sign is the easiest way to show off my tattoo.

Embrace the hipster look, everyone. Embrace it.

So many of my friends have ditched Tumblr and I'm so sad because I'm back and alone. Keep me company? Let me know your url and I'll follow you back. :) Also, in case anyone missed it, I'm now tweeting from @dreamyville because managing two accounts was too much of a pain. Follow me there!

Ciao, bbs.