"I just want to sleep!"

Ugh. Yes that's a grunt of displeasure. At myself, or at least the activities I have spend the past week or so doing. 99% of which revolves around Pitch Perfect. Wow, I'm so cool.

It's kind of nice to feel the familiar tug of heartstrings that is the height of a fandom obsession. It's comfortable, although rocky and disastrous. If I don't take enough care of myself during these troubled times, shit can turn sour pretty damn fast. One step too far and I'll be drunkenly crying myself to sleep on the bathroom floor. It has happened before.

It starts like this: I watch the movie. It's okay. It's enjoyable. I go to sleep satisfied and happy. And then I watch it again. And that's where the trouble begins. Because two watches is never enough. If I liked something to watch it through twice then I'm going to need to continue again and again. And soon I'll be quoting the scenes word-for-word and dreaming up head-canon stories about every single character. And then begins my introduction to the actors. Skylar fucking Astin. Life ruiner. He, among with so may of his predecessors, is why I will never find true love. Because these damn good actors have already given me so many perfect characters that not a single real human will ever suffice. Brian Kinney, I'm looking at you. (And it's not just the boys, either! Let me love you, Spencer Hastings.)

And then, in the midst of watching cast interviews on Youtube on a rainy afternoon, still in bed, I'll realise that I don't know enough about this fandom. I'll read fanfic (to try and fill the hole in my heart that the movie caved with the ending credits) and I'll watch the movie again and again and again until it's starting to annoy even me. And at some point, whenever that may be (it's different every time), I'll collapse into a pile of pyjama-clad limbs and sob about my existential crisis. Because what is the point of living in a universe where Jesse does not actually exist? WHAT IS THE POINT, I ask. Don't try to console me, it's futile. He's a fucking fictional character and I'm up at 3am sobbing over his lifestory which has been at least half made up by fans or my creepy brain. He isn't real and he never will be. Depressing, huh? Next time you're crying over heartbreak think about the fact that I'm here, in love with a person (actually, multiple people) who doesn't exist and who will never know me.

Yeah, I'm crazy. This is not news to me. I think I figured it out around the time I was twelve, when Seth and Summer from The O.C fought during an episode and I couldn't sleep properly for a whole week wondering if they'd sort things out. And then my family realised when Haley left Nathan on One Tree Hill for her music career (which I was pissed off about at the time but in hindsight, hey, you go girl!) and I promptly shut my mum's laptop, put my head down on top of it and sobbed. Sobbed. My family had no idea what the fuck was wrong with me.

I'm odd, I know. My expectations of people are so damn high, they're fictional. Booyah, see what I did there? It doesn't help when real humans let me down, time and time again. There aren't any soundtracks to life. There's no positive music to hint to a happy ending. There's only the Pitch Perfect soundtrack, in the background of my mind, haunting me about a life that never was. But every now and then, I'm struck by an amazing group of people. It shouldn't surprise me when people live up to (and exceed!) my fictional character expectations. After all, these fictional people were moulded off real people, although neatly wrapped into a movie-length bundle (or episode-length bundle, as it may be). But it does surprise me. And it's great. Those times when I fall asleep wanting to be me? Those are great.

And for the rest of the time, there's Beca. And Jesse. And Brian and Justin and Chuck and Hermione and Olivia and most nights, my head is a wonderfully cosy dormitory of TV and movie sets. I can open a door and fall into the world of these fictional characters and be with them for a night. And then what happens? Only my dreams can tell.

What was the point of this post? Oh, yeah. Pitch Perfect. (I love it so much.) Skylar Astin. (Watch 21 and Over!.) Anna Kendrick. (She seems like a beautiful and talented version of me.) Anyway, back to fanfic / singing and dancing the Pitch Perfect songs. Welp.

You're such a weirdo!

"You're one of those a capella girls, i'm one of those a capella boys and we’re gonna have aca-children. It’s inevitable."

MY LIFE IS PITCH PERFECT. My life is Jesse/Beca. Okay, fine, my life is Jesse. *heartsineyesemoji*

....Yeah, that's the update.....


the blue and yellow castle.

Once again I find myself tumbling down the rabbit hole of smooth, white, Swedish furniture and soft, fluffy doonas and twinkling fairy lights. Every few months or so I get a certain yearn for change and I spend days, sometimes weeks, sifting through Ikea catalogs and browsing ApartmentTherapy.com and multiple furniture stores' online stores. It's a sickness. And once again, I'm infected. I'm desperate to go back to the blue and yellow castle but not for the same reasons I went before. Once upon a time, I loved Ikea for the feeling it gave me - that I had entered a world of happiness and beauty and no angst whatsoever. I have now learnt that's bullshit. For me, Ikea is possibility. It's my-bedroom-feels-unfriendly and can-I-liven-it-up-somehow. Quite frequently, a trip to Ikea or a mere flick through a catalog is enough to pump my creative juices enough that I can change things without spending money. But not always.

I need a new bedside table. My current one is literally a cardboard box on the floor. It's cute and minimal, sure, but my back is aching from having to lean down all the time. That's what I'm in the market for right now. I think I have chosen one - HEMNES Bedside table, white, $99 - and although it's not in my usual budget, I think I'm going to get it anyway. See, the plan is to one day move out. And the more furniture I buy when I'm living with my mum means the more furniture I will have in my new place (whenever I find it!). I'm planning for the future! (At least that's what I tell myself!)

Sometimes, even if my own space is perfect, I just like to flick through the catalogs. I imagine the lives these people must lead. They say the house is a reflection of the person within. I love thinking about the different people in their different spaces. I like designing rooms that I would never personally live in but that I love anyway. That's why I love the Sims so much - usually when I play I spend more time creating my house and my sims than I do actually playing! And when I was a kid, I used to play with my step-brother. We had Lego and a dolls house. I used to spend for-freaking-ever setting up my Lego family's home and then when I was done, I was done. I didn't want to actually "play". That resulted in many a tantrum, haha.

If I ever have my own house (and a hell of a lot of money!) I think I'd probably redecorate every year or so. I just can't help it! I love how even the slightest change can make a big difference to the feel of the room. Okay, I'm off to have sweet, fluffy doona dreams. Ciao!

Photos © Ikea

pink polish & twins.

Today has been a lovely, lazy day. I saw Kristy for the last time before our five week break (NOOO~) and I'm glad I did. I even managed to get there on time! Even after rolling out of bed a mere hour before my appointment. Afterwards, I was oddly in the mood for pink nailpolish (say what?) so I splurged on a couple of bottles of Sally Hansen (the silver was just too cute to deny) and I was almost out of there when I spotted a shop slathered in red SALE signs. It was EB Games. Thus i toddled out of the shopping centre with my new nailpolishes, a brand new Sims 3 expansion pack (Seasons!) and an armful of grocery bags containing various cupcake-baking-related items and a whole bunch of frozen dumplings. And then shuffled along home before I could do any more damage to my bank account.

The dumplings were pretty gross. I'm still having dumpling burps, nine hours later. Grumpy face. The Sims expansion pack? Fantastic. Part of me thought I probably should've looked online for reviews before I bought one (I was tossing up between Seasons and University Life) but my fears were unnecessary as I love Seasons. I spent the rest of the day playing with my gorgeous twin Sims until my mum came home at 7pm and wanted to know what I'd done with the day. kanyeshrug.gif

My sims, Jess and Ash, are both celebrities. Ash even has a girlfriend! All this in one day. I'm feeling accomplished. And I haven't even reached Winter yet in the game! Summer and Autumn have been pretty great, though. Jess and Ash seemed to quite like tanning themselves on floaty things in the ocean. It seems to rain every other day in Autumn. I wonder where Sim world is set. Hmm..... Another planet, perhaps?

Tonight, mum and I baked. She was making banana cake for her friend's birthday and I thought I was making mini cupcakes for mum to take to a work meeting - which was hilarious because she has so many meetings every single day and yet only some of them require cupcake bribes for people to show up? But unfortunately, no, I was baking them for a co-worker's goodbye party. Bummer. I thought the meeting story was funny.

Burnt my fingers on a hot baking tray. Sadface. Took many, many photos of the cupcakes - spent more time on the photos than on fiddling with the damn things! Haha, classic me. And now I'm going to snuggle into bed and watch Teen Wolf (provided it's not lying to me about being 100% downloaded *frown*).

Feeling good today! I'm trying to be more mindful of myself and my feelings. If only it was as easy as the Sims suggests. I want coloured mood bars! I'd always know what I'd need. Sigh.


Winter break! So far today I have faced my fears, made up with my dad and brother, eaten a whole bag of popcorn, imagined and created a beautiful new Sims house, played with my cat, had a shower, put on actual clothes (lol), meditated and managed not to fall asleep. Wasn't the most interesting day but I'm feeling optimistic about the days to come. Facing my fears was difficult but I decided last night that I'd get it done today, so when I woke up at about 10am I just did it! How do you like that, Nike? :D

the list.

I had an idea long ago that I'd start working on my issues by writing a list of things I'm afraid of or things that I'm scared to do and then face them and blog about them! But I don't think I'm comfortable posting that on my public blog so I'm going to do it here.

I thus present the list:

  • get a tattoo
  • get a piercing
  • go clubbing
  • go overseas (here)
  • meet an online friend
  • start running again (here)
  • drive across the country
  • move out of home (here)
  • buy a house
  • graduate university
  • turn 21!
  • buy a double bed
  • read all of the books on my bookshelf
  • journal every week for a year
  • drive to tasmania (boat from melbourne)
  • go skiing/snowboarding
  • meet a celebrity
  • throw a dinner party
  • run a race
  • visit the Great Barrier Reef
  • drive in a country that keeps to the right
  • visit New York City
  • visit Disneyland
  • visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter
  • vote in a federal election
  • receive my full drivers license
  • land a full-time job
  • accept myself for who i am
  • have a family
  • attend a concert alone (here)
  • buy a car

I will add to this all the time. :) Last updated: 19/04/17.

Seemingly unrelated image, I know. (Pretty colours!)

"meow," she said.

Hello, asleepykat! You're my pretty little secret blog. You're the fairiies to kathsah's twirling. If that makes sense. You are where I write my actual feelings, where nobody can see them. And if somebody happens across this then hello! This blog is for words. And it isn't going to be perfect because perfection's overrated. I'm feeling good about this.

About the username: I'm basically a very sleepy cat. I think I would make an excellent cat, to be quite honest. And "Kat" is my middle name - she's a complicated part of me with whom I love and also hate. We're inextricably linked. Kat is me and I am Kat. So I'm a sleepy kat. Meow!

Vaucluse, NSW.

I'm officially on winter break! No more late-night essay writing for quite a while! I think high fives all around would be great right now, yes? I want to wish anyone who still has exams or essays a big good luck! Last weekend, in the midst of sleepy essay writing, I went for a walk around Vaucluse. There was a big family walking behind me with three or four adorable little boys with gorgeous French accents. Listening to them was lovely, haha. :) Unfortunately I wasn't prepared for this impulsive little trip down south so my camera was running very low on battery. I took the last photo mere seconds before my camera gave up. It wasn't until I got home that I realised it was out of focus. Bummer! Oh well, I'll just need to go back!

Currently reading: my brand new psychology textbook, haha :)
Currently watching: still in the midst of a Chuck rewatch! I'm mid-s2 at the moment.
Currently listening: Band of Horses ♥

all is groovy.

I'm back! Don't get me wrong: still working on assignments, still falling asleep at any seemingly free moment and still finding numerous activities to procrastinate with. Right now I'm working on my piece for Creative Writing - starring characters Kat and Sarah. They're the names behind this blog! Maybe someday I'll share the finished piece on here.

Anyway, back to the purpose of this post! A few days ago I started working on this music mix for a friend who wanted some happy music.

It wasn't until I started making this mix that I realised that most of my 'happy songs' are actually quite depressing. For example, one of my favourites is The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel: "hello darkness my old friend, i've come to talk with you again" (note on the link: i searched for ten minutes and couldn't find the exact version i listen to but it's pretty close and they're all pretty great versions anyway ♥).

I think the reason, or at least part of the reason why I like sad songs so much is because it makes me feel like I'm not alone in the sadness. Hearing "hello darkness, my old friend" just gets to me, every single time. It makes me feel like I'm not weird for being comforted by this sadness. Simon and Garfunkel lived in a slightly different time and yet all of the lyrics they sing seem to speak directly to me. Sad songs like that make me enjoy sadness, at least for a while. It makes me think beautiful thoughts and remember that no good art ever comes out of happiness.

If I could wish for one thing it would be to go back in time and see Simon and Garfunkel performing in their prime.

Am I the only one that likes typically sad songs as 'happy music'? What's your go-to happy song? Let me know in the comments.

Currently reading: my english creative piece (i'm a perfectionist and it will never be finished!)
Currently watching: Chuck (rewatching season 1 - looking forward to getting into bed and doing that!)
Currently listening: my depressing music.

hello lamppost, whatcha knowin?

It's Sunday afternoon and I'm lying on my bed half asleep, chin on my hand, scrolling through my blog. My back aches from sitting on the living room floor in front of the heater, leaning over my laptop for hours on end and my brain aches from having to think cohesive essay thoughts. It's cool but not cold and I'm wearing black jeans and my comfy green sweater. I'm in love with my bedroom. It's ridiculously homey and ridiculously me. I'm tempted to crawl under the mess of doona underneath me and snuggle down, maybe cuddle my cat and listening to sad music. The world is waiting out there: there are so many beautiful sights to photograph, so many places to discover, so many songs that haven't yet been heard. But I'm so, so sleepy. So damn sleepy. Somewhere, in another universe, there's a version of me sipping a hot chocolate. There's a version of me running through the woods. There's a version of me en route to California, nervous as anything and excited to finally see the world. But here I am, in this universe, lazily pondering the world.

The photos I took on my January holiday make me ache. I want to be back there, soaking up the warmth of the sun, sand between my toes, not a single care in the world. But the thing is, I never appreciate those holidays when I'm on them. There's no internet and the beds are uncomfortable and it's so damn hot all the time, unless it's cold and rainy. It feels so free up there and yet whenever I'm there, I can't help feeling that I'm stuck inside a little cottage on a tiny headland. Okay, maybe I don't want to be back there. I just want to escape. I want to be that version of me en route to California. Or Boston. Or London. I know I'm lucky to live in Sydney, but it's hard to accept that when I haven't seen the world yet. I have a wonderful camera and I want to discover the world with it!

More than anything, though, I wish I had bought my DSLR before my cat, Pisces, died. I miss him so much.

summer memories
(1) golden chucks (2) friends' beautiful dog (3) january afternoon (4) katherine and sarah, my twins. (and also the source of this blog's name!)

Currently reading: Tales of the Jazz Age by F. Scott Fitzgerald plus numerous academic texts (kill me neow)
Currently watching: rewatching Chuck
Currently listening: Simon and Garfunkel ♥

hi i'm mostly awakeish maybe

I'm wearing a onesie. And I'm in the midst of assessments. I'm sleep deprived, grumpy and wanting to crawl back into bed 100% of the time I'm up. I have handed one essay in on time. Another, I'm still writing. So far it's 29.5 hours late. I feel terrible. I'd win awards for procrastination. But I'm so sleepy. So, so sleepy. It's 9:49pm on Saturday night and I'm about to crawl into bed and watch an episode of Chuck before passing out on my pillow. Before I do that, here are a few things that are making me happy right now:

(1) Tales of the Jazz Age by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I haven't actually gotten very far into it yet but the cover design makes me so happy. (2) Dove Body Cream. This stuff feels divine. I picked it up because it was on sale and I have fallen in love with it. I love slathering it all over me, mm. Smells so good, too. (3) Jurlique rose hand cream - inherited from my mum (love it) and Lucas' Pawpaw Ointment - perfect for dry, wintery lips. (4) This nail colour combination. If only I had the energy to put it on and stay awake for it to dry.... (5) Cat, lights, cranes, blue, white, bed, etc.
Currently reading: Tales of the Jazz Age by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Currently watching: Chuck (rewatching random episodes because I hated the s5 finale....)
Currently listening: Virvaldi's Four Seasons - Spring and Here Comes the Doctor (s5 Doctor Who theme song) - these are my essay-writing songs. :)

G'night, kids!

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

It's the last week of uni and I have four major assignments due in the next week, plus loads of catching up to do before I can finish them. Help! My schedule is ridiculously busy for the next week so I thought I'd post this now. I'm taking a little study break while I wait for my lecture to download. ;) On Friday night I went to the city to see Vivid Sydney! You can read about it on the website. I took a bunch of photos in my half-asleep state and voila!

I'm a bit late with the June photography thing (seeing as I forgot to take a photo yesterday) but I'm going to catch up and probably post the photos once a week. Thanks to Erin for letting me know about it. My next post is going to feature products that I love - make up and moisturisers and all of that. I'm a goo hoarder. :) And I have my favourites. I hope you will like it! (Personally I love checking out what other people use, hehe.)

I thought this would be a nice addition to each post:
Currently reading: Tales of the Jazz Age by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Currently watching: Chuck (catching up on seasons 4 & 5)
Currently listening: Band of Horses
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